When siblings disagree about a parent's care: a Florida guide for families

Updated November 5, 2026

Most sibling disagreements aren't really about who is right. They come from seeing different parts of the picture.

Picture this. A son in Boca Raton sees your mom every week and knows she's leaving the stove on. A daughter in Atlanta talks to her on the phone, where mom sounds fine. A third sibling worries about the money and wonders why the checking account is running low.

Each of them is reacting to real information. Trouble starts when nobody shares what they know or knows who has legal authority. A shared set of facts and clear roles usually lower the temperature.

If your mom can still tell you what she wants, her voice matters more than any sibling's. In Florida, adults are presumed to have capacity, which is the legal ability to make their own decisions, unless a doctor or a court finds otherwise. Having a diagnosis such as early dementia doesn't automatically take that away.

So before the siblings argue about what mom needs, ask her. Where does she want to live? Who does she trust to handle her bills? Who should talk to her doctors? If she hasn't signed planning documents yet, now may be the time. The article on the five documents every Florida adult should have explains them, and dementia planning covers what to do soon after a diagnosis.

Our first-conversation guide has scripts to help you start.

Many family fights shrink once everyone knows what the documents say. Look for:

• A durable power of attorney. This document lets an agent (the person your mom chose) handle money and property for her. In Florida, it has to be signed with two witnesses and a notary (s. 709.2105).
• A health care surrogate designation. It names the person who makes medical decisions if your mom can't, and it may name an alternate (s. 765.202).
• A revocable trust, which names a trustee to manage the assets held in the trust.

If your mom named one of your siblings, that sibling has the legal authority, even if the rest of you disagree. If she named co-agents, each can act alone unless the document says otherwise (s. 709.2111), which can make a disagreement worse.

If your mom never signed anything, Florida law gives an order of people who can make medical decisions, starting with a spouse and then a majority of the adult children who are reasonably available (s. 765.401). There is no similar list for money. Without a power of attorney or a trust, nobody can manage mom's accounts, and guardianship may be the only route.

A family meeting goes better when it is planned. Pick a time when everyone can join, by video if needed. Include your parent if she is able. Share the latest doctor's notes, monthly bills and care costs ahead of time.

Keep it to decisions, not blame: "Who can take mom to appointments in March?", not "Why did you never visit?"

Afterwards, send everyone a short written summary of what you agreed.

Money is behind many sibling disputes. Florida law treats an agent under a power of attorney as a fiduciary, meaning someone legally bound to act for your parent's benefit, not their own. The agent must act in good faith, stay within the powers the document gives, avoid conflicts of interest, and keep a record of every receipt, payment and transaction (s. 709.2114).

What surprises families: siblings can't demand those records. The agent has to share them only if asked by your parent, a guardian, another fiduciary acting for her, a government agency that protects vulnerable adults, or, after she dies, her personal representative, or if a court orders it. Once asked, the agent has 60 days to respond, with one 60-day extension if they explain in writing why they need it.

Even so, an agent who shares a simple monthly summary on their own often ends suspicion faster than any legal step.

If you believe an agent is misusing a parent's money, a court can review the agent's conduct. Florida lets "any other interested person" ask for that review if they show the court a good-faith concern for the parent's welfare (s. 709.2116). If you think your parent is being exploited right now, you can also call the Florida Abuse Hotline at 1-800-962-2873.

A mediator is a neutral person who helps a family reach its own agreement. The mediator doesn't decide who is right. Many families hire one before anyone goes to court. If a case is already filed, a Florida court may send all or part of it to mediation (s. 44.102).

Mediation fits fights about sharing care, where your parent lives, or paying back a sibling caregiver. It is usually faster, cheaper and more private than court.

Guardianship is a court process in which a judge decides that a person can't manage some or all of their own affairs and appoints a guardian to do it for them. It can protect someone with no planning documents or who is being exploited, but it is public, slow and expensive.

What it involves in Florida:

• A petition, an examining committee of three professionals, and a court-appointed lawyer for your parent (s. 744.331).
• If your parent's durable power of attorney or trust is enough to handle her problems, a judge may not appoint a guardian. Guardianship is supposed to be used only when there is no workable alternative.
• A family guardian generally needs 8 hours of court-approved training within 4 months (s. 744.3145), plus a credit and background check (s. 744.3135).
• A guardian of the property files an accounting with the court every year (s. 744.3678).
• Reasonable fees for the guardian and the lawyers are generally paid from your parent's own money, with court approval (s. 744.108). In a contested case, those costs can grow quickly.

A sibling who lives outside Florida can still serve as a guardian, because Florida allows close relatives who live in other states to serve (s. 744.309). If your parent named a preneed guardian in writing, the court generally appoints that person unless doing so would be against her best interests (s. 744.312).

The surest way to avoid a guardianship fight is planning done while your parent can still choose her own helpers.

Use this to plan the call, and share it with everyone a few days ahead.

Before the meeting

• Ask your parent what she wants, and whether she wants to join.
• Gather copies of the power of attorney, health care surrogate designation, trust and will, if they exist.
• Share the latest medical update and a list of monthly bills and care costs.

During the meeting

• Ground rules: one person talks at a time, no blame, and decisions only.
• Health: what does the doctor say, and what care is needed now?
• Living situation: home, with help? Assisted living? Memory care?
• Money: who pays which bills, and what is left each month?
• Roles: who handles medical, money, visits and paperwork?
• Caregiver pay: should a sibling caregiver's pay be in a written agreement?
• Next check-in date.

After the meeting

• Send a written summary within two days.
• Agent or trustee: share a simple monthly money summary.
• If you keep getting stuck, consider a mediator or a consultation with an elder law attorney.

Print this agenda

Often, yes. Under Florida law, an agent under a power of attorney must keep records of every receipt, payment and transaction, but has to share them only if asked by your mom, a guardian, another fiduciary acting for her, a government agency that protects vulnerable adults, or, after her death, the personal representative, or if a court orders it. Brothers and sisters aren't on that list. If you have a good-faith concern that money is being misused, you can ask a court to review the agent's conduct. Many families avoid that step by agreeing that the agent will share a short monthly summary.

Only if there is no health care surrogate or guardian. If your mom signed a health care surrogate designation, the person she named makes decisions when she can't, and the alternate steps in if that person is unavailable. If she never named anyone and has no spouse, Florida law lets a majority of her reasonably available adult children act as her health care proxy. Even then, the proxy has to decide based on what your mom would have wanted, not what the children prefer. A signed designation, made while she can still choose, usually avoids that debate.

Usually not. Guardianship in Florida is a court case: a petition, an examining committee of three professionals, a court-appointed lawyer for your parent, then yearly reports and accountings. Reasonable fees are generally paid from your parent's own money with court approval, and contested cases can be costly and public. A judge also may not appoint a guardian if your parent's power of attorney or trust is enough to handle the problem. For most disagreements about care or money, a family meeting, a written plan or a mediator is a faster and gentler first step.

If your family is facing one of these questions, you can reach Brandon Arkin at Solkoff Legal, P.A. at (561) 733-4242.